White wine and pepperoni

Tonight I am watching the Emmy's while drinking white wine from the bottle and eating pepperoni.  This wouldn't be significant if I hadn't been breathlessly staring at a barely there positive pregnancy test earlier this week.

Collective gasp of shock...ok, are we all done?  Good.

We weren't exactly trying, but we weren't not trying either.  We were part of that normal segment of the population who just goes out and gets pregnant.  It was nice while it lasted, which was all of about 3 or 4 days until the next test turned up negative and I started my second early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy.  We are sad, disappointed but at least for me not entirely surprised.  Even as I was staring at the test, I just knew that this wasn't going to end well.  Damn woman's intuition.

The hubs is taking this hard and that makes this hard.  He wanted to TTC again right away but I convinced him to wait until January because I want him to focus on completing OCS and not the state of my uterus.  Of course, this gives him time to plan and allowing a Marine to put together a plan of attack is a dangerous thing; I just got another text message adding yet another thing to my TTC-preparation check list.  For future reference, telling my husband to check out The Bump was probably a bad idea if I wanted a relaxed approach TTC our second child.  

So I still owe you all a bigger update, but while I am doing well tonight (well minus the drinking wine out of the bottle thing) I know that there is bound to be a dark day or two ahead and I think you should have the context before I start blubbering about some missed milestone or another.

A request

I've mentioned my friend kekis before and tonight/today I am asking for your good thoughts and prayers on her behalf. She's going in for her first IUI tomorrow and all I want for Christmas, Hanukkah, my birthday etc is for her to come out of that procedure tomorrow with the baby she gets to take home from the hospital later this year.

I owe you all a really good, long blog update but I am in Cali watching the Biggest Loser and already up past my bedtime considering I have to be up at 5:30am tomorrow morning. It's coming though, I promise.

September...seriously?

Where the hell did August go?  I know I was busy with the hubs being gone and all, but how did it go from M's 9 month birthday to almost his 10 month birthday.  I don't know about you, but I'd like an August do-over.  

A quick summary of the past few weeks goes something like this.  My job is a nightmare but I got a contract modification approved that = more money = very happy manager and manager's manager.  The hubs passed his Marine Corp Martial Arts program course and got into OCS.  Michael is continuing to raise hell, torture the dogs and has started taking a few steps at a time.  I am of course so NOT prepared to be Mom to a child that is fully bipedal so I silently cheer every time he falls on his butt.  

We took a great vacation to Ocean City, MD so I'll be posting about that and sharing a bunch of pictures once I get the chance.  Until then, happy start of September!

Nine Months

Does it get any better than taking an evening swim on your nine month birthday?  From the look on Michael's face, I am going to say no.  I can't believe that nine month's ago he was barely 12 hours old.  He was a squished up, puffy little thing that I loved with all my heart even though I didn't enjoy that feeling yet.  Now, he isn't just my heart, he's my soul.  

He is continuing with his obnoxious, uh I mean challenging, ways.  He spends most of the evenings screaming, fighting sleep and putting forth every possible effort into getting himself killed or at least breaking an arm.  While I love this age because his personality is coming out more and more, I find myself struggling with that personality.  He is amazingly stubborn, though given who his parents are I suppose I should have expected that.  His love affair with out Boston Terrier, Frank, continues and he is starting to show more interest our older dog.  I'm not so sure how she feels about that.

Michael - you are a challenge and make me crazy but you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  Thank you for being you.

Love,

Mom

39 Weeks and other random thoughts from the weekend

Today marks the start of M's 39th week of life and he'll be 9 months old on Tuesday.  I could go on for hours about how I can't believe that time has gone by so quickly and that my heart breaks a little every time I see how un-baby he is these days, but whenever I get started I remind myself that I am so very, very lucky.  That I get to watch my son grow up everyday and that I have an opportunity to be a part of his daily growth and discovery of the world around him.  It doesn't get any better than that - not even when I compare it to his little newborn snuggles on my shoulder.

In other news, we are just about done our first weekend home alone in awhile.  It's amazing how much I am able to accomplish with out my husband underfoot, uh I mean helping.  The apartment is cleaned (as well as it can be given the boxes and other assorted aftermath of our failed move), the laundry is nearly done and I am actually sitting down to blog.  I had a crazy thought that maybe I would take M to the mall today to do some shopping for fall clothes, but thanks to my overly generous Mom and older sister M has plenty of new outfits to get him through the next few warm weeks.  So instead of the mall I am going to fill the kiddie pool and let Michael splash his weekend away.

One of the big strategies I've learned for keeping my sanity when doing the single parent thing is to cook as much food as I can in advance.  I'm about to throw some bbq chicken in the crock post (chicken breasts, Bone Suckin Sauce mix it together and let it sit on low for a couple of hours) and some zucchini and squash in the oven (cut them in slices, toss them with olive oil and assorted seasonings at 450 until they are done).  It makes dinner so much easier when I just need to heat something up real quick as opposed to having to actually cook anything from the start.  

And I am going to end this post of thoughts with a random confession - I can't wait to see Brian Boitano's new show on Food Network.  **hangs head in shame**

Tired

I've been wanting to post more but I haven't had the energy.  M has decided to give up on sleeping so that means I am one tired Mommy.  Hopefully I'll be back on again more soon, but until then any sleep recommendations you all have would be much appreciated.

zzzzzzz

An award!

I feel so very special to have received this award from my dear Internet friend kekis at Fertile Ramblings. K and I met on a pregnancy loss board and I have to say that I pretty much adored her from the start and followed her around like a puppy hoping she would notice me and like me. Fortunately for me, she did notice and at the very least does a good job of pretending to like me. She is starting down a new road on her journey to become a Mom and I hope you will join me in hoping and praying that this is the road that leads to a baby she can bring home and take care of for many, many years to come. I know there are many woman who "deserve" to become mothers to babies on this side of heaven, but K holds a very special place in my heart and right now there is no one I want to see become a Mom more. Love you, K!

PS - See, I do read your blog. Booger.

I'm heading out of town again this weekend so I probably won't be blogging. I am going to do my best to post more regularly once I get back and since The Hubs is going to be out of town I'll probably be depending on you all to keep me company. Lucky you!